This whole situation SUCKS. I hate that you're making me feel like this, just when I thought I was in a relationship that would last, one that might go somewhere. I hate Carrie for taking you away from me. And I hate myself for saying that, even though I love you (you have NO FUCKING IDEA how much), I'm not sure anymore that I want you back. I've ben cheated on before, twice, and it's the worst feeling. I can't take feeling betrayed like that. And honestly, I already feel cheated. You say you love me, tat you mean it, but here you are, obviously thinking of another girl. That in and of itself is cheating, in my opinion, and I'm not sure I want to wait for you if this is just going to end up happening again. I CAN'T STAND BEING HURT LIKE THIS AGAIN.

I love you, I really do, but unless you can absolutely promise me this won't happen again (I know your history of cheating on your past girlfriends, and I trusted that you wouldn't do it to me), then I just can't be with you. I can't. I'm sick of being hurt, of being led on and heartbroken. If you really want to try again with me, you're gonna have to do a hell of a lot of work to get my trust again (and keep it).

I love you. I love you so fucking much. Do what makes you happy, whether or not that means being with me or her.

-Sarah.

i've known you for a few years now.
we met when me and my friend took my TRIPP chains and attached ourselves to your belt. that was pretty hilarious, not gonna lie. good times. good times.

i had no idea that you had even entertained the thought of dating me until about a year ago. i kinda wish i'd known sooner.

we started hanging out a lot over this past summer and fall, and, while i had a boyfriend at the time, i found myself getting more and more attracted to you. and then there was that one night, when we were just play-wrestling like we tended to do (though it was more just you protecting your ribs from my tickling fingers), and i ended up kissing you. at the time, i was like, 'oops, i shouldn't have done that,' but that's only what i said. on the inside, i was pretty damn pleased with myself. you had a girlfriend, too, but i wasn't concerned about it. i knew you liked me too.

my nineteenth birthday party.
i kind of consider this the time we started dating, really.
yeah, we'd messed around a little before.
but you were there, and i felt great. i felt happy. elated. comfortable. safe. everything good you can feel.
i dunno when you think we started dating, i'm not sure if you know either since it just sort of happened, but that's when i'd like to think it did.

it's been about two months now. almost two months. you have no idea how happy i've been with you. how many times i fell asleep safe and warm in your arms, to wake up to you nuzzling my neck in the morning.

your kisses are absolutely intoxicating to me. i can never, ever get enough of them.
the way you hold me, touch me, it sends shivers down my spine.

you may not feel the same way about me,
and i'm too scared to tell you this to your face right now,
but i love you.
:)

so, my family has had it really rough the last couple weeks.
my sister has attempted to commit suicide. twice.
and now she's battling with another problem. (those who know, keep your mouths shut. i'm pretty sure her and my father don't want this getting spread around, thank you.)
and it's so weird. it just feels really surreal, because i never thought for one second that this would happen to my family. we've always been happy and functioning, and yeah, there have been a few major problems (i.e. my mother leaving and my dad's anger issues), but we've made it through just fine.
i just dunno what to do, what to think about everything that's happened lately. like i said, it's surreal. this is the sort of thing you see in like, lifetime movies. i'm just waiting for the happy ending to ours. hopefully it comes soon. i hate seeing my dad and my sister suffer so much.

gah.